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Game Of Thrones Season 8 “The Iron Throne” 9/10
This is full of all the spoilers. I have been enjoying the shit out of this season. I know a lot of people are mad and want another season or a redo of this season. I grew up in a world where shows just disappeared with no goodbye so when I see all these people whining harder about this than how their own parents raised them to be such shit birds I get annoyed. Then I get entertained. I have gone on Twitter after this aired just to laugh at how upset people are about this. It is super entertaining for me. I have not read any of the books this series is based off of but I do know that dude ain't published one in damn near a decade. I find some information from the books useful that I read on the Game Of Thrones Wiki page and go “Oh, okay” and go about my life. But some people...damn. Some of you need to check your dosages. Keep your lists of question the show has to answer to make you happy. I get not liking something because it didn't turn out the way you wanted or expected. I call it my life. But if this show upsets you as much as people are acting just write something better.
This starts off with Tyrion, Davos, and Jon walking through the now extra tasty crispy King's Landing. Tyrion is like “I'll talk to y'all later” and Jon insists he take a guard. Tyrion is like “Bitch please.” Looking at it from his point of view this is super fucked up. He thought Dany would be reasonable even though all signs pointed to “Nah!” This is where he grew up. Chances are his only living relatives are dead and he is likely next. He ends up finding the location where he told Jaime to head and finds the bodies of Jaime and Cersei buried under rubble.
Jon keeps walking through the city and sees Grey Worm and his goons about to execute some of Cersei's soldiers. Jon stops him and there is almost a fight. Grey Worm says he is following Dany's orders. At this point I am still mad that Jon is not hunting her down to straight up murder death kill her. You saw what she did, dude! Grey Worm slices a dudes neck and starts walking down the line.
Arya heads back to where a bunch of the Unsullied and Dothraki are getting way too hype over their victory. Dany emerges looking eleven kinds of evil with her dragon behind her. Arya is watching from the sidelines and I was expecting her to dagger her from a hundred yards away. Dany gives a moving speech and promotes Grey Worm. Tyrion shows up and stands next to her and she says he freed his brother and committed treason and he tosses his Hand pin and is like “Bitch you slaughtered a city!” She has him arrested meanwhile Jon is standing there looking stupid. Kill this woman! Suddenly Arya is standing next to Jon and he asks what she is doing there. I shit you not, if I knew someone like her I would end up boxing their ears appearing out of nowhere like that. Remember, he didn't know she was even coming. She says she came to kill Cersei but Dany beat her to it. Jon tells her to meet him outside the city walls and she lets him know she knows a killer when she sees one and Dany is all about that life.
Jon visits Tyrion in Logical People Who Make Good Decisions Late jail and Tyrion asks if there is life after death seeing as how Jon kicked the bucket that one time. Jon says not that he can remember and Tyrion is grateful for that small comfort. Tyrion wastes his time trying to reason with Jon. He points out that Dany knows who Jon really is and if her speech sounded like some shit a kind ruler would be saying. They couldn't even understand what she was shouting but the shit sounded evil. Tyrion says that Jon always tries to protect people from danger and asks who is the most dangerous now. Jon is still like “Nah.” Tyrion asks what about the Stark ladies. Jon pauses and says that Sansa does not get to choose who to be loyal to an Tyrion is like “But you do bitch!”
Jon heads off to find Dany and Drogon comes out from the snow. For a second I thought it was gonna eat him. Hey. Last episode. Weird shit can happen. Inside the Throne Room Dany is staring at the Iron Throne and getting all happy. Just as she is about to sit, not so fast!, Jon walks in. She starts talking about how she pictured the throne as a child and she couldn't count and blah blah blah. Kill her. He says that Grey Worm is killing people and she is like “Yeah, I know. That's what they get for living where they live and following who they followed.” Jon starts weeping like an emotional bitch and I'm watching this going “If he don't kill her now I am gonna shit my mouth!” They start kissing and she gasps. I gasped. Then I smiled. Then I cheered. He buried a knife in her ass and lowers her down as she dies. Dany dead! Jon killed Dany! Oh. Muh. God. I can not believe this shit! Suddenly dragon! Drogon has some fucking Spider Sense and knows something is up. He flies up there and tries nudging Dany awake. No dice. He looks at Jon the way I look at a buffet at The Soup Plantation and burns the Iron Throne to nothing. He looks like he is gonna kill Jon but picks up Dany's body and flies away.
Next thing you know Tyrion is being marched by Grey Worm to a meeting at Dragonpit with some of the other leaders and such like Sansa, Arya, Bran, Gendry, Davos, Brienne, Sam, and Yara. God, I love Yara. I sleep on talking about how she is my jam but she is totally my jam. Grey Worm says that Jon is still locked up for murdering Dany. I am shocked the didn't kill him outright. Guess when you ain't got no dragon decisions have to be made more civilly. Tyrion says that a king or queen should decide what happens but there is not one. They have to decide who to make their leader. Arya and Sansa's uncle starts running down his resume until he is told to sit down. Yara thinks Jon should die because she was working with Dany. Pffft. Sam says the people should vote which makes everyone laugh. Then Tyrion drops the bomb on all these bitches.
Tyrion suggests Bran. Sansa is like “Nuh-uh, bitch! He can't walk or have kids!” Hater. Tyrion says that he got crippled, survived, went past the wall, became the three-eyed raven, and because he can't have no nasty ass little kids that makes him perfect to lead. Tyrion asks Bran if he wants to rule and Bran is like “Shiiiiit, negro. That's all you had to say!” Actually he does that blank stare and then asks “Why do you think I came all this way?” He is now Bran the Broken which sounds insulting a bit. It would be like calling me Dante the Nearsighted or Dante the Darker Than All You Other Friends. Bran then punishes Tyrion by making him his Hand. Tyrion does not want this shit. Grey Worm thinks that is all well and good but wants more punishment for Jon. I wonder what they could do...
Tyrion finds Jon in the jail for People Who Do The Right Thing Only After Thousands Have Died and lets him know that his punishment is to be sent to the Night's Watch. Remember how much fun he had there last time? All that freezing cold. People talking shit to him. Killing him. Jon still has the nerve...the NERVE...to wonder if he did the right thing. Dude. The crazy chick you were boning down with turned out to be your auntie and used a dragon to kill a city and planned on doing it some more likely after killing your goofy ass. Yeah. I think you did the right thing. Grey Worm gives Jon snake eyes as he walks past. Grey Worm is gonna go visit Missandei's home. Probably hoping she had a sister that don't mind he has no penis. Or balls. He has one of those missing right? Or is he a virgin? (checks the internet!) Okay. No ball sacks. Got it. I mean. I do. He don't.
Jon finds his siblings waiting to say bye to him. Sansa is happy because she still gets to be queen of The North. Arya is like “What's west of Westoros? We don't know? Good. That is where I am going!” Bran says some spooky shit and then Jon leaves. Brienne updates Jaime's timeline and makes his death sound way more noble than it was. I would have been like “He hit it and quit it and died in rubble with his sister/baby mama! Ew! Gross!” Tyrion and the new council that has Davos, Brienne, fucking Bronn, and Sam meet with Bran who shows up being pushed by Podrick who is now a knight to be weird and says he may find the dragon before scooting off. The fuck?! They may have chosen the best worst person.
Jon heads super North to The Wall and Tormund is there. He and a bunch of wildlings head out and then through the forest because fuck the Night's Watch! Oh, and Jon greets his dog Ghost and pets him which I am sure made the internet happy. Sansa gets her crown and is all happy. Arya rides away on a Stark ship ready to have a far more interesting life than anyone else. I fucking enjoyed this season. All I expected was to be entertained by it and I super was. It was fun. It was action packed. People died. Characters got to do some awesome shit.
No one can take away the fact that Arya killed the Night King. Theon died a hero. Jaime turned out to be a scumbag after all. Dany lost all her shit...then her life. The Hound got to kill his brother. I am gonna have to rewatch this season because so much happened in such a short amount of time. This was a really fun past six weeks and I wish I could thank everyone involved in this show for the past eight seasons for all the hard work that they did. Now it is time for me to dive into another series. Thank for reading these, y'all.
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