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I know it has been a long ass time since I did one of these. I got burned out by celebrity gossip and the fact that almost anyone is a celebrity now so the timeline in regards to what to cover gets ridiculously watered down with people that are known for just being known. But I am back to be petty and messy as shit.
Nicki Minaj is staying in the news for the worst reasons. She is currently dating a guy she knew from back in the day who was convicted of first-degree rape when he was 16 and later for manslaughter. How he is out and free to bone down with a famous person is beyond my comprehension. How do you date a registered sex offender?! Nicki stated “He was 15, she was 16...in a relationship. But go awf, internet. y'all can't run my life. Y'all can't even run y'all own life. Thank you boo.”
I will not be talking about Cardi B or Tekashi69 because they have far too much bullshit in their lives to write about and they are garbage people.
One of the most beautiful women on the planet and UFC fighter Rachael Ostovich who was attacked by her husband who is also a fighter and suffered a broken orbital bone among other injuries is still scheduled to fight at an upcoming UFC card. The insane fucking thing is that the UFC is debuting former NFL player Greg Hardy who was convicted for domestic abuse on the same night. Ostovich's husband Arnold Berdon has been charged with second degree attempted murder. They have a five year old daughter.
Kendall Jenner is dating Ben Simmons...an NBA player. Because that is what they do.
Shaun Weiss who was in The Mighty Ducks was arrested again for shoplifting, violating his probation from a few months back. Dude is less than a year older than me!!! He had been in rehab and has been arrested multiple times for drug related charges an theft.
Ciara and Future (who should never have had a child in the first damned place) are heading back to court regarding the travel for their son. I mean...I don't have a kid and like to think that if I did have one with someone that we could manage this shit for the sake of the kid and not be super petty about it.
A porn star Kiara Mia that dated 49er's quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo is being blamed for their losing streak. “I'm impressed that people look at me as a God. Like, only God has the power to, like, control someone's journey in life. So, I'm flattered people think I have that much power in my life to control somebody's life!” She smart.
Mel Bof the Spice Girls who plan on touring next year got jacked up falling down some stairs. She broke some ribs and “severed” her hand. I have seen her hospital picture and I think we have different definitions of the word severed.
Kathie Lee Gifford is leaving the Today show. I didn't know that she was still on it. She wants to pursue other venues. I say chill. You almost 70. Relax.
Dennis Rodman has fallen off the wagon again. I didn't know that he was even on the damned wagon. What a stupid term. You would think that being on the wagon was bad and being off was good. Fuck wagons anyway. How the hell did we make it this far when wagons were a reliable way to travel? “Let me put some wheels on my tent!” Nerds.
Stormy Daniels, who is in all kinds of drama involving her relationship with Donald Trump and her lawyer being accused of domestic violence, left a strip club after the owner allegedly used homophobic slurs. He defended himself saying he has run gay bars. When will people learn how to properly defend themselves? It's like saying “I'm not racist, I know Black people!”
That scary ass buff kangaroo Roger has died. You ever see that fucking thing? That ain't fair to me or any other kangaroo. They live from 8-12 so he was about due.
Kevin Hart is no longer hosting the Oscars after someone dug up some old offensive tweets he made. Look. If you have a Twitter, Instagram, or public Facebook account just delete anything before 2015. Around that time people started to realize that a lot of things we openly said and joked about in the 80's was no longer cool to say. “I have made the choice to step down from hosting this year's Oscar's....this is because I do not want to be a distraction on a night that should be celebrated by so many amazing talented artists. I sincerely apologize to the LGBTQ community for my insensitive words from my past.” Now they are having trouble finding a new host because it turns out that they barely pay anything and there is always some drama surrounding it.
Speaking of Hart, a woman is suing Live Nation after going to one of his shows and being told that she could not bring her call phone. This is a thing and I love it. They did it at a Chris Rock show I went to. She uses her phone to check her blood sugar and they wouldn't let her and ended up kicking her out. Far as I'm concerned she has no case. They let you know you can't bring phones before you even confirm you have tickets.
UFC fighter Jon Jones has been cleared to fight again. I guess doing coke, committing a hit and run on a pregnant woman, and being caught using performance enhancement drugs pays off. Stay in school kids.
Rapper Kodak Black fake proposed to Yung Miami and she said yes. I had to stop when I first heard this and think “Is Kodak who I think it is?” Turns out it was. And ugh. Yeah, I'm messy.
Tyra Banks has started rapping and it sounds exactly like whatever it is you just imagined. “I'm 5 foot 9, I look so fine. Yes all my fellas are so divine.” I thought she was way taller than that.
Paris Hilton and Chris Zylka have called it quits. It's fine if you have no idea who he is.
Demi Lovato is dating her sober coach which sounds like a terrible idea to me. Might not be. It's not like there is not a metric shit ton of pressure on him or anything even if she didn't have substance abuse issues or known worldwide. Still, well played sir.
Rapper Chief Keef who is 23 fucking years old recently discovered that he has four children with four different mothers. Bad, right? Well, he already had five that he did know about. I mean come the fuck on!
A guy that has been stalking Taylor Swift has been sentenced to six months in jail and five years probation and has to go to mental health therapy.
Amy Schumer is doing everything possible to let everyone know that being pregnant can suck including posting video of herself puking. Stay classy.
Dog the Bounty Hunter found out that his wife's cancer has returned and some assclown decided to harass him at an airport which led to an altercation.
A screening of a documentary about R. Kelly allegedly having a sex cult was stopped after someone called in saying a member of the audience had a weapon.
Alleged murderer of his second wife Robert Blake has filed for divorce from his third wife after just a year of marriage. Run, woman!
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