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Click here for reviews of Episodes 1 and 2. There will be spoilers.
Chapter Three: The Trial of Sabrina Spellman
So after Sabrina fucked off her dark baptism she and her family have to deal with the repercussions. She is being sued by Blackwood for breaking her contract with the dark lord. Her aunts end up having their powers taken away and one of them has a tooth fall out and they are both aging rapidly. She wants to hire this lawyer that has experience with working supernatural trials and he turns her down until he looks at a picture of his daughter who is dead. Meanwhile Madam Satan aka a school official is fucking with things behind the scenes. I know I don't keep mentioning her much but I'm not trying to make these long. Sabrina ends up finding out that this same lawyer got a lot of terrible people off during trials and he explains that after a deal with the devil he could not lose a trial and one of the guys killed his daughter. Whomp whomp. He feels bad and will not represent Sabrina at trial.
Until he does. During the trial it is revealed from Hilda that Sabrina was already baptized is a Christian church so jokes all all them bitches. Satan is like fuck this and calls them to his chambers and cuts a deal. Sabrina can stay in the lame ass mortal world but she still has to go to the witch school sometimes. The aunts get their powers back and Sabrina is all butt hurt at her aunts for keeping secrets. Meanwhile at her school her friends are getting mad about banned books and one of them is going blind. This whole show is about secrets that should not be kept. Oh, and Ambrose is checking in about this iguana that may be a familiar that belonged to a guy that may be a dead warlock.
Chapter Four: Witch Academy
Harvey's dad sucks and wants him to work in the coal mines on weekends for work. I guess you need zero experience to do this. He ends up seeing some demon shit and leaves immediately which pisses his dad off. Sabrina's friend that got sucker punched by bullies last time has a uncle at her home who is nuts after seeing something in the coal mine as well and ends up snapping and attacking Harvey. They tie him up and tell no one. Too many secrets. Ambrose starts dating the dude of the dead guy and uses a spell to leave as a hologram. He has to hurry or he will die and the guy he is with sees him vanish so some shit will start because of that. Madam Satan pretends to be someone who needs mortuary service and steals random shit from Sabrina's room.
Sabrina is at the new school and everyone sucks except this little kid. She lies to her boyfriend Harvey about heading to an expo with her aunt. Those Weird Sisters start hazing her with some jacked up shit. I'd be like “Look. You all know who I am and have the potential to be. Why are you fucking with me?!” She ends up finding out that the nice little kid is dead and there is a bunch of dead kids that died during this hazing called harrowing. She lets her aunts know and they show up and Zelda did the same thing to Hilda back in the day making me dislike her more with every passing episode. The dead kids scare the shit out of the Weird Sisters so they will likely do worse shit. The school also won't let Sabrina try the cool shit magic and Blackwood gives her this thing called an Acheron Configuration and says if she solves it she can take these classes. This guy named Nick Scratch (I know what that name means and so should she!) gives her her dads old journals and she is able to solve it. The shit cracks open and sand pours out and a demon kicks open her door and she screams like me when a woman likes me. Will Sabrina survive? Will her friend go blind? Will her other friends crazy uncle turn into a demon?
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